Hello Again III


Of course in life-threatening situations like this one, getting caught on a bike in the rain on the north side of a very civilized island, my very life flashes before my eyes.  I tend to draw parallels in my own life with the rain, washed out road, and struggle to live my life born out out of certain choices I made. The raindrops represent common annoyances, things we all deal with. The bike represents an elevated freedom and the cool feeling of the wind in my hair. The view from the bike is still pretty good in spite of some rain, and I continue on, knowing I will not melt. I may get wet but if I keep pedaling maybe it will pass and I will dry off soon enough.
The distant rumble of thunder over the water reminds me of intuition, that still small voice of warning. It tells me that something big is coming and I need to protect myself. I am allowed to ignore it and I do. I came to get a break and I determined to not give up easily.
The washed out road is a universal metaphor but this is my take. I had taken the partnered path of marriage and it promised all kinds of good things, but it became, over time, too threatening for me to stay. It grew dark. My eyes teared up and there was no one there to wipe them, it was hard to see my way and I felt utterly alone. Not only did I lose something good, I realized It had only been a wish that I had tried very hard to grant myself. What brightness every new day could have brought was only another
 Hello Again,
 Pain ,
 Haven't We Met    Before?      You Seem Familiar...
 day. And I dreaded the new days before they became old, and I acted my way through marriage and was true in motherhood. I had to get out, I had stayed too long. My children had seen too much and my husband was a closed box of secrets that even I was not allowed to open. The thunder reverberated in my ears now and I grew dizzy.Things around me spun. Barely maintaining my balance, with eyes wide open I saw the road off to the left and took it, thinking the troubles of a doomed marriage would soon be behind me. I had not counted on waking up to the realization that the marriage was not real all along.
Immediately I was forced to get off the bike and push it through the sand up the steep side of the hill.

Oh! It's you.
 I had not expected you to come back so soon.
You startled me, Grief-
 Hello again.
I was just cleaning up the mess from your last-
What was that? You brought your brother? A fraternal twin-
Pain? (There is another one of you?)
 How could you do that? I thought we spent enough time together during your last extended stay.
No, you may not come in. I barely had room enough for you! You made a huge mess of my entire house. i am still picking up-
No! I do not want to discuss this.
You and your friend will stay on the porch this time. I find you opportunistic and it hurts to look at your twin.
Are you kidding? The kitchen table lies overturned and you broke the legs of the chair! I have no place to eat!
 You fed yourself my food...and now I am hungry.
 A lamp sits in the sink and cereal is strewn on the counters.
You put my thoughts in the dishwasher and my love in the disposal. What?
Not in the disposal? Well I can't find it-
You rinsed my love and put in the recycling bin? Oh.
At least it is not destroyed...